No I Guess, Simply Yes
Last month I caught myself using a phrase in my parenting that I had vowed to eliminate a handful of years ago. I guess it is time to revisit that resolve. Whoops! I mean yes, it is time to revisit that resolve! Here is what I wrote about my issue with I guess back in January 2016.
The ornaments, garland, and lights have all been packed away and now ‘tis the season for New Year’s Resolutions. I however, discovered many years ago that I do not find the rollover of the calendar to be a particularly motivating agent for change. In fact, it does not motivate me at all.
The only thing that has ever motivated me to change is wanting to change. It is easy to reach the “I should change” phase. But recognizing that I should change isn’t enough. Something has to happen—acquiring new knowledge, a change of perspective, or sinking to a deeper level of desperation–to make me want to change. Once I tap into “want to,” change becomes possible. But it usually does not correspond with January 1st.
But it could.
In fact, this year, it has.
This year, what I need to change—what I want to change—is my vocabulary. There is one teeny little sentence that needs to go.
You’ve got to read that with a little attitude. Make guess a two syllable word. Draw it out with great exasperation. Say it like you are totally put off and be sure to include an eye roll or whatever is your attitudinal specialty.
Haddie was the first to raise an issue with my use of I guess.
“Mom, can we build a fort?”
“I gu-ess.”
“Mom, can I lick the bowl?”
“I gu-ess.”
“Mom, can I give Soren a piggy-back ride?”
“I gu-ess.”
Haddie said that when I answered I guess it seemed like I was saying yes but that I wasn’t happy about it. Pretty perceptive for an eight-year-old. She was totally right. I guess was my go-to answer when I didn’t want to say yes but couldn’t find a good enough reason to say no. I felt justified for using it in such situations and had no intention of changing. Until, that is, Haddie started using it herself.
“Haddie, will you please entertain your brother while I finish making dinner?”
“I gu-ess.”
“Haddie, does soup sound okay for lunch?
“I gu-ess.”
“Haddie, will you get the laundry folded before we go?”
“I gu-ess.”
Haddie was right. It stinks to be on the receiving end of a begrudging I guess. You make a request of someone and they do it, but instead of feeling blessed, you feel cursed. Instead of feeling gratitude, you feel like you owe them. The murky land of I guess is a disrespectful and disheartening place to be.
But I want our family to treat each other with respect. I want us to bless each other—to truly “delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:10).
That was the change of perspective I needed. Now I want to change.
My plan is simple:
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’” Matthew 5:37a (NIV)
When a request is made of me, I need to decide if I am willing to put my full blessing behind a yes answer. If not, the answer must be no. An honest no might be disappointing, but it is clear, respectful, and ultimately much kinder than a begrudging I guess.
So there it is. My goal for the year is no more half-hearted I guesses. Let this be the year of resounding yes-es!
For Jesus Christ, the Son of God, does not waver between “Yes” and “No.” …as God’s ultimate “Yes,” he always does what he says. For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” 2 Corinthians 1:19-20a (NLT)
